So I was researching how to promote my online shop today and couldn’t get over how many people stressed the importance of blogging–yes, blogging! for bringing in traffic. Not that I have to blog about my shop, I just have to have a link somewhere here and blog away and hope people find it. So, there’s my new motivation. Because folks, the hairclips aren’t going away. They are here to stay. Okay? Okay.
And that’s all I’m going to say about it for now, as I know promotion is not what you readers signed up for. Well, that, and, I’m going to have to change things up a bit around here so that the promotion thing might actually work. Like I might have to tag my entries with real words, stuff like that. But that doesn’t concern you, or at least it shouldn’t.
So, what to write about today? Parenting is usually a safe bet. So I’m gonna tell you all about my parenting “style” or lack thereof. Before I had a kid, I had no idea how much controversy surrounds different parenting decisions. Nor did I expect to actually care about the controversy, rather than just say, “what’s everyone so upset about?” and go on my merry way. Let me tell you, I care.
I’ve read a lot of parenting advice, but like most people, once I find advice I like (read: agree with), I tend to stick to that and ignore everything else. Makes for a convenient kind of justification for why I do what I do. But it’s a little more than that. I don’t just like the advice, but it makes sense to me, and goes with my instincts.
So, I’m a pseudo Dr. Sears fan. I don’t advocate everything that he advocates and I think some of his advice is simply unrealistic, but I think I identify with his broader mission of compassion and understanding in parenting. This is not, NOT permissive parenting or hippie parenting or whatever. I know there are boundaries and discipline is important. Maybe it’s better explained if I just use concrete examples.
Let’s talk about sleep, baby. I would say one of the most common questions I get is “And how is she sleeping for you?” or “Is she napping for you?” or some variation. What they mean is, does she sleep through the night and nap during the day with no problems? I have never asked a mom this. And I think it’s kind of annoying. Not with everyone, but it seems like some people who ask it are using the question to find out whether I have a “good” baby and whether I am a “good” parent. Yes, I’m a defensive Dora. Get used to it.
What do you mean, how does she sleep for me? She sleeps for herself, when she’s tired (and will admit to herself she’s tired), and not on command, and not necessarily when I want to sleep. Is that okay? Also, for the first 6 months of her life, if she didn’t sleep, I didn’t make her sleep. I didn’t let her “cry it out;” Brandon or I soothed her to sleep. If that didn’t work, sometimes she slept in our bed with us. At 8 months, I still don’t make her sleep, but now she’s better at communicating whether she’s hungry, lonely, hurt, or just cranky, and I respond accordingly. Sometimes I let her cry a little, sometimes I don’t. But I never leave her alone to cry for hours on end to “teach her to sleep.” This is where Dr. Sears backs me up. He’s against the cry-it-out method, and explains that crying is the only way babies know how to communicate. When we respond rather than ignore them, we are teaching them that we are listening and we are there for them, and are therefore teaching them how to communicate better.
That’s the thing I agree with. Think about it. For the first few years of life, a lot of kids are taught that it’s only okay to be upset when it’s convenient and rational. Otherwise, be quiet. Be “good.” Then in come the teenage years and parents constantly nag their kids, “Why don’t you talk to us? Why don’t you tell us what’s wrong?” Well I could hazard a guess. And yes, I know hormones and personality play a part, but I really believe parenting style, even early on, plays a part too.
So no, Clara doesn’t always “nap for me” or “sleep for me.” Sometimes I’m still up 4 times a night. Sometimes I’m up at 6 in the morning and there’s no going back to bed. But you know what? I’m okay with that. We’re working on it, and I think we’re making progress. And then somebody else asks about my daugther’s sleeping habits and I feel all defensive again. Usually I lie actually. “Yep. Sleeping great. Up a little here and there but otherwise, great.” If I had to time to explain that she isn’t and what we do or don’t do about it, I would. But usually I don’t have the time.
The important thing is, Clara’s healthy and actually a pretty happy kid. Whenever she’s in the nursery for church or mom to mom, the ladies always tell me how good she is. Seriously, every time. She’s content just to watch the other kids or chew on something or whatever. She never cries when I leave. Could it be because she knows I’ll be there if she needs me? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just her personality. I don’t say this to pat myself on the back, but rather to say, hey, it’s working for us. We’re doing okay. Maybe it won’t work for future children and we’ll reevaluate. But for now, I wish you could just leave my daughter’s nap schedule alone, okay?
word2yourmother 