word2yourmother

So the other day I decided to try out Clara’s Baby Einstein sing along CD to see what she’d make of it. It was okay, just your usual kids songs about long ears and stars and wheels on buses. She reacted the same way she reacts to any music–looks around to see where it’s coming from, stares for a while, then goes back to eating her toys. This will change as she gets older, I know, and it was fun just to listen to some of the songs I grew up with. Except, apparently Mr. Einstein wants to make sure there is absolutely nothing that could ever, in any way, at any time, offend his politically correct listeners in his songs. Because part of being a smart and developmentally advanced kid is being politically correct. Apparently. *Sidenote: I don’t think any of the B.E. products are going to make Clara smarter or develop faster, but they were given as gifts and were happily received.*

Take for instance, “Do your ears hang low?” a common favourite. In the original, we poor, misdirected kids sang, “Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Well. This generation can’t say “soldier” because that implies violence, so we have to change it. I don’t remember what it was changed to, but something like “wave them at your neighbour like a silly party favour” rings a bell. Which is fine. But was it necessary? I consider myself more on the pacifist side of things but I think this borders on ridiculous. But I waved it off. It’s not like it really changes the song that much anyway.

Then, however, we get to “The wheels on the bus.” Oh don’t worry, they still go round and around. And the babies still say “wah wah wah.” But what do the mommies say? If you said, “Sh Sh Sh” you are wrong. And probably a bad mother. The mommies on the Baby Einstein bus whisper “I love you.” Because how mean and uncaring it is to shush your baby! And then, wait, we’re not finished yet–then the daddies on the bus also whisper “I love you.” Because assuming that only mommies are on the bus with their babies marginalizes daddies and puts mommies in a traditional role, and that’s a big no-no (excuse me while I get my tongue out of my cheek–it keeps getting stuck there).

I know I’m probably being a brat, but this annoys me. First of all, as a new mom, I can tell you, while “sh” is not a very effective way to calm a screaming baby, whispering “I love you” is even less effective. Sweet, but ineffective. At least “sh” has the consistent white noise thing going for it. I mean, it’s not like the mommies on the bus were saying “shut your face.” Then I would understand a lyric change, though I could also have understood where those deperate mommies were coming from, with everyone else on the bus looking at them and the baby making a scene. I guess that’s what really gets me. This whole idea that mothers have nothing but love for their babies, and never get frustrated, never shush, are always patient, it’s really damaging to a new mother (the exact targets of Baby Einstein products, and the ones who’ll notice the lyric change right away, as I did), or to new parents for that matter. And throwing the dad thing in there, fine, I get it I suppose, but it just sounds funny to me to add an extra verse. Why wouldn’t you just say “parents” or something. And heck, the reality is that during the day, on the bus, in America (where the CD is produced)–the land of unpaid-12-weeks-if-you’re-lucky maternity leave–you might as well be singing about the daycare workers and the nannies on the bus. If you want to be accurate. So, Mr. Einstein Busdriver, if you don’t mind, I think Clara and I, and sometimes my husband, would rather just walk.